SETI Songbook: Lies

SETI Songs Aplenty

Lies
lyrics © 2009 by Dr. H. Paul Shuch
sung to the tune of "Lies" by Stan Rogers, © Fogarty's Cove Music

He parked his flying saucer on my lawn
And faster than a lightning flash, my wife and kids were gone,
Abducted by an alien from Mars
Who took them on a joyride past a half a dozen stars.
He drew some tissue samples, analyzed their DNA,
And showed them all a star map so they would not lose their way.
And this should hardly come as a surprise:
The story I have told you is all lies.

Chorus:

All lies, all along you know they're telling lies.
No surprise.
The kind of paranoia that the National Inquirer still buys
Is little more than lies.

Elvis didn't really die so soon,
For I bore him his love child on the far side of the moon.
The body that they planted in his place
Was that of Jimmy Hoffa, but they modified his face.
The whole affair was masterminded by the CIA
To cover up the truth behind the death of JFK,
And swear to God, the story that I tell
Is true, because I heard it on Art Bell.

Chorus

The credit card computers are a plot
Hatched by the Gnomes of Zurich to steal everything you've got.
And every time you use an ATM
It beams up via satellite your whereabouts to them.
Don't show your driver's license to a motorcycle cop
Unless you know he's genuine. In fact, don't even stop
Because they'll just steal your identity,
Lock you up and throw away the key.

Chorus

The project in Alaska's frozen waste,
The one that's known as HAARP, it is a national disgrace.
Its microwaves are used for mind control
Except it's modifying the precession of the pole
Which causes global warming and the rising of the tide.
The KGB's collaborating, now they're on our side
Since Gorbachev and Reagan stopped the game
That's known as the Cold War; they're just the same.

Chorus

The last three probes that NASA sent to Mars
Were really meant for starting interplanetary wars,
And that's why they were rapidly destroyed
By those who built the Face, and now they're very much annoyed.
I hope they don't invade us, for those caverns underground,
The ones in Utah, built for housing everyone around
Are excavated, true, but far from done,
And will not be 'til twenty fifty one.

Chorus

Your government intends to tax the 'net
By charging you a dollar for each email that you get
To fund computers for the NSA,
The ones they use for monitoring everything you say.
Don't bother writing senators, they're all in on the plot,
But forward this alert to every URL you've got,
For if they bring the 'net down to its knees
Congress can do anything they please.

Chorus

The paranoids are out to get us all.
Remember that they're listening if you try to make a call.
Conspiracy's the order of the day
And should they care to track you down, you'll never get away.
So hole up in a cave with all your Y2K supplies
While everything you cherish disappears before your eyes,
Or come back to reality a bit,
And realize it's all a crock of shit.

Chorus

All SETI science didn't really die,
Though Congress killed the funding (ask your legislators why).
We've set us up a not-for-profit group
To seek the signals floating in the interstellar soup.
A backyard radio telescope is trivial to build,
So, if you join The SETI League, my wishes are fulfilled.
Together we can do it, I surmise;
We'll not be stopped by politicians' lies.

Final Chorus:

No lie; science is about dispelling lies.
No surprise.
The SETI League will someday be recovering that signal from the sky,
And surely that's no lie.

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