Publications Department
MESSAGE FROM OUTER SPACE
ALIENS CONTACT NASA:
"QUIT SENDING US YOUR STUPID JUNK"
WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - History was changed forever yesterday when NASA received a transmission from an alien species. The brief message, addressed to "abuse@NASA.gov," read simply:
Humans --
Please discontinue sending stupid unsolicited transmissions and debris to us. We have received several metallic craft bearing objects, crude drawings, and disks which play noises when scratched with crystal-tipped needles. We don't know who "Bach" is, but tell him for us that he should consider another profession. Honestly, we receive thousands of unsolicited transmissions and craft from societies such as yourself to the point where they become a great nuisance, so discontinue this practice immediately or we will be forced to report you to your information provider or, more simply, blow up your stupid planet and all your stupid life-forms. Send your junk to the Gezor -- they have all the class and intelligence of stewed clazin. Regards,
Elinzoa Glppaducc
Information Processing Coordinator
The Shati-Makal
NASA immediately cancelled plans to send up a time capsule containing a CD of the Ricky Martin hit, "Livin' La Vida Loca", and a VHS copy of "Friends."
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